Choose Love: Extraordinary Love Stories

Crystal + Ramsey | The Rules of Engagement

April 12, 2019 Choose Love Season 1
Choose Love: Extraordinary Love Stories
Crystal + Ramsey | The Rules of Engagement
Show Notes Transcript

As chance would have it Crystal and Ramsey met on a random night in college. There was instant chemistry and they talked all night, but nothing really came of it until six months later. To their surprise, they were reunited when they found out they'd be neighbors in a frat house the following summer. The rest is pretty much history. The two are now engaged and are just months away from tying knot.

Crystal and Ramsey were interviewed by Stephen.

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Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to the choose love podcast. I share the Chronicles, the extraordinary love of ordinary people. Our hope is that these stories will help inspire. So hashtag choose love, the podcast is presented by Elena . Dear your digital bridesmaid. We're here to take your squad moments to the next level and help curate your bridal style. So said you can focus.

Speaker 2:

Yeah .

Speaker 1:

My name is Steve Hayden and I will be your host. So I'm here today with crystal and Ramsey . We're going to be talking about their love story. Hi to the both of you.

Speaker 2:

Hi. How's it going? My name's Ramsey shaven. I'm a workload on your base in San Francisco, but I'm originally from DC actually. Uh, we are a college sweetheart couple basically. So we're now both 27 but we met as sophomores in college.

Speaker 3:

He's an amazing internet entrepreneur. People say I'm tall, but I'm not really under 66 . That's not terribly tall. He's tall, he's smart . And we lived together in San Francisco. Now we have lived in San Francisco together since 2013

Speaker 2:

can you just say when we graduated college, so 2013

Speaker 3:

yeah, we met with her in 19 number 27 now and we'll be getting married on two months after my 28th birthday. Well, you would have just turned 28 yeah,

Speaker 2:

exactly. So everyone keeps asking us why it's taken so long to get engaged. Riley's asking me that, but yeah , three years of that were in college, so didn't to town .

Speaker 3:

[inaudible] how about you miss ? I broke in San Francisco and I worked in tech for a couple of years and then I pivoted myself into the media career where I was after the last host and producer for a local TV show and most of my days now are actually filming YouTube videos to educate young women about the skills I've picked up working in media, public speaking, standing presentation skills. I used to be a coach in public speaking as well. My unique part of my background, similar to Ramsey being a [inaudible] varsity athlete did, we mentioned that he's a track star too. He can run a mile in about four minutes. Wow.

Speaker 2:

I figured we were going to bury that in the story of basically , uh , I got burned out in college after running a bunch and that's when we met. But yeah, so the first two years I ran at Sanford.

Speaker 3:

Wow. Yeah. He's a really, really fast runner. And so that keeps me in shape.

Speaker 2:

See , you're a giant and you're fast. It's kind of weird. I was , um , by far the tallest , uh,

Speaker 3:

I think the one actually,

Speaker 2:

wow. We learned up in the starting line. It would be kind of like five, eight, five, nine, six, one, five, eight, five, nine in that name you have the complete like serve me, I am sure. And flow . You're like an entire foot taller than me.

Speaker 3:

So he's the track star. And then I competed in beauty pageants, so I started when I was 15, and then I made it all the way to run her up to miss America. So all of those skills from being a public speaker, from doing appearances, from courting sponsors and doing these contests has given me a bunch of life skills that I'm releasing to the world. You two are a bit of a power couple then. I don't think we're a power couple, but I'd say we make each other better and we're both, we're , we have a lot in common. We both like to apply ourselves. We like to win.

Speaker 2:

We don't mind when each other works a lot. I think Phelps . Yeah , no , that's cool. That's so cool. How did you meet, you met in college? Tell us a bit about that. As I mentioned, it ties into my running I guess too . Um, so I ran for about two years of Stanford. You know, normally if you play basketball, if you play , um, football or sailing, growing, whatever , uh, you have one quote unquote in season , um , time when you're actually competing. Uh, I had three, so yeah , it was a bit rough and so I walked into the office one day in January and sophomore year, January. So my coach has quitting . Um , he wouldn't let me for that five days, but it did. And then , um, I think the very next day I called him my friends and I was like, basically, woo , I'm free. And um , was sitting there kind of doing the normal college thing , um , that's crystal would say sitting on a giant blue .

Speaker 3:

It was a huge beanbag . It was like, you like that it gets it. The Serbian man was lying on the ground and then like put on a pizza Turner. That was the circumference of this enormous moving back . It was basically the dorm room . It took up the entire dorm room.

Speaker 2:

Yup . Um, and so long story short, that night we got to talking , uh , what to close called French house, which was just a local place on campus. Um, and it was one of those classic super packs , you know, standing room only parties. Um, and we somehow somehow started talking and found our way to in a corner and talked for four hours , um , basically the entire time and got to know each other . Um , didn't want to leave. And , um, I'll let Chris will tell my side of the story, but apparently she wanted me to give her her sweater or something like that. You know, basically you kind of see each other again. Um, but the funny part about that was we did it . So six months went by before we , uh, talked to actually. And so , uh, it was that summer, so six months later , um, there's one place on campus where you can live during the summer that isn't obscenely expensive. It turns out it's a Pratt house because they actually own own house. And so you have to kind of know someone and get in and you get randomly picked and all this stuff. And it turns out we got randomly selected to live right next to each other. And that's really kind of how we get, you know, when we really were together and got to know each other. So from that summer onwards, it's a Christian. Do you see it the same way? Have you got your own sort of town ?

Speaker 3:

Totally. Totally. It's, I find it super fascinating that when you ask the story, he tells you the facts. I'm going to tell you about the feelings. Yeah,

Speaker 2:

I did find it funny how she really likes to leave out the six month part and she's like, yeah,

Speaker 3:

pick up right where we left off. Yeah. I mean we weren't dating for the six months, but we , we're aware of each other. And that spark had already happened. Yes. So let's say Ramsey put the structure together. I'm gonna fill it in with some color. He's absolutely right. Everything he said was correct and I agree with your version. The thing that I remember was the very first night we had met, I was already really excited that I had potentially found someone who was just intriguing. Although when I think you're 19 you're not really thinking about marriage or going steady or in a real relationship you keep, you really are just driven by that gut instinct and that yearning to just want to see them again. And it's , it's almost this child like very pure phenomenon that I don't even know has name for it. It's just this like Mason budding interest. That is that that didn't happen with new friends as well. It's not completely platonic necessarily. In this case it was like more platonic and like slightly romantic. And I called my called zooming at the time and she says, Oh no, not Ramsay . And I said, what? What's wrong? Randy had been pseudo dating her former roommate. So like the same roommate was now seeing, hadn't had me as a roommate now and now it was like, you know , a rotating door like outgrow , can't get rid of Ramsey .

Speaker 2:

There's a story. That's definitely one of them. Yeah . Uh, literally the same roommate, just totally by chance.

Speaker 3:

But she didn't say no, not Ramsey because she didn't like him. I think it was more so she was caught between the loyalty of two different friends. She started seeing me. Um, yeah. But I remember that night when we first talked, it was like the fastest four hours of my life. It was super interesting. And you're talking about everything, right? Family, religion, values, what your pants did, vacations you out as a child. Classes who, who talked about so many different topics and it was so fluid. It just felt like it was going from one another. Yeah. I really do think that like the telltale sign of the budding relationship is just health fluid. Those early conversations are that they just really roll off the tongue. There's something special there. And I felt that would knew away. So after that early conversation, he walked me back to the dorm. He did give me his blue sweater to wear on the walk home cause it was a little chilly . And then I debated not giving it back to him so that I had an excuse to see him again. But I thought that was shady. So I took off this sweater and get back to him and said bye. I think that was smart. I would have done that. I mean I didn't want him to think I was selfish. Like okay, I just met this girl. She thinks that she's entitled to buy stuff. I don't like her anymore. I didn't want to be disrespectful. I would have respected the hustle. Definitely respected by half expecting for you. Invite me to keep it.

Speaker 2:

Well, I remember telling my roommate at the time afterwards that I liked you a lot, but I didn't think you liked me even after postdoc in that one .

Speaker 3:

What made you think that? Could I play hard to get someone called ? I'm just kidding . I don't . Thanks . Walk me back. Bye bye.

Speaker 2:

I don't remember, but uh , that was a good night. And like I said, we were 19, so we were just doing whatever.

Speaker 3:

Yeah. I think the moment I really knew I liked you was that summer when you were showing me pictures of your family and I could see the love in which you were raised and how close you are to your family and your two brothers and all of the smiling faces through years of different memories. I just knew that you had come from such a place of love and consideration and warrants that I just knew you were a good person. And it was , it's weird. It's almost like, it's almost like you know that you see a fruit tree and you're like, Oh, what she's going to be really fruit from this tree is going to be Rose. Just know, right ? Like the leaves are big me , a trunk is insolvent, well positioned on the landscape. You're like, Oh, there's no way he's apples aren't going to be the best American apples and this orchard. That's kind of how I [inaudible]

Speaker 2:

now that's a good metaphor. I took away down or free to do that. So ,

Speaker 3:

well I, I, I knew that you were, I knew you were already good. I just,

Speaker 2:

it's like it went from a yes to a hell yes. Once I heard you talk about your account , I remember, I remember the , I remember that conversation. I remember everything that night. Uh , but it wasn't really that night. It was kind of the whole summer, like the whole summer . It was just, I mean, really when we got together, so it was two class months and we were living basically together the entire time with a bunch of our friends and uh , everyone was working. It would come back and spend a lot of time. Um , and we started spending a lot of time .

Speaker 3:

Yeah, there was one night where we were talking on the balcony with me and three guys. Ramsey was one of them and I think it started out with like me and five guys who were all friends and then as the night went on people started peeling away to go to bed and

Speaker 2:

there's this one guy, there's one guy I'd be curious that I both were at point where we knew we liked, we liked each other but hadn't explicitly cited anything but we were up, I mean we basically were in like a marathon sprint with this one guy. We were both just trying to kind of peel off time for ourselves and there was this guy that just would not go to sleep. Was that with the best until I think five or six and a half was pretty good. He stayed with us till like three. We were very motivated but they were just, it was impressive. You know, I'm going to be interviewing him next. Yeah, seriously. That makes me think about the fact that you need to go. Uh , we go find it . That such a great guy, such a great guy. Making like Wooky sounds from star Wars. Just to go backwards just for one second. So Krista was saying how you sort of felt like you were the one when you were talking about family [inaudible] . When was that moment for you? So we were talking about this the other day. I don't think there was one specific kind of [inaudible] or you know , um , light bulb moment. But I do remember that summer. Um , do you remember when we went up to Sierra camp? Different times. So Sierra camp is a thing at Stanford , um, where it's basically a kind of like a special section of Lake Tahoe that alumni go up. People ever find ratchet counselors. So they would whisk us up there for weekends. But crystal and I wanted different, different weekends with different friends. And so I, I remember when I was kinda like game on it . I really, I really liked her when she was texting me from Sierra camp, which was, she had like one bar of service and I was sitting in the, I was standing in the middle of a party and I was around all my friends and I was just trying to talk to her and she, as she told me later, it was sitting in the middle of a catamaran with the phone way up to where she could get one bar, the touch , you know , you're going back. I don't know if there was a light bulb mode , but I do remember, I stinked clear . I was sitting in the middle of the frat house. Everyone running around me and I'm just like, game on, you know, this is it. So in a catamaran in the middle of the Lake holding my phone up, like, like reflecting and Simba in the lion King, like waiting for the bars to show up. Oh wow. That's my identity, right? Yeah. Seriously. Yeah. The , uh, the modern showing love is being in the middle of the mountains and , and going to seek that one bar. She said at the beginning that people say to you, why did it take so long to propose? Yeah. So why did it take so long to propose the question? Well, you know, you take out three of those from college. Right? Um, and then I think, I think for us, you know, you , you said at the beginning , uh, you know, you said power couple, I don't think of necessarily power a couple of for us, but I do think that for a , we were , you know, we just said , um , you know, we're together , which really focused on our careers right now. So I don't think it really occurred to us. I think we were just kind of very focused on , um, we both assumed, I think in our heads and not, not in a bad way. I think we just spoke, knew it was going to happen and , um, there wasn't any urgency about it and the urgency was more or less let's build a foundation for ourselves , um , as we're kind of building our , our relationship into this one thing, but also, you know , building that foundation very practically , um, together as well. Yeah, I don't know . What do you think?

Speaker 3:

I might look at marriage a little bit differently. I have very, very strong feminist mentors in my life and I always have been told that you really want to know when the person is right before you marry them because marriage is a huge deal and it's, it should not be a decision and made out of made in the throws of emotion. It should really be a wise decision that you take into consideration every aspect of your life, your goals, what you've done, personality, everything. It's just, it's been built up as like this huge thing in my head. And so I, if I'm very honest, I think I was kind of afraid for a while . It just seemed like such a big, you know, nearly irreversible decision. Um, and I just felt like Ramsey was the right one. So there was really no rush. I did feel a little bit like it was going to be a next next level commitment that I was a little , I hesitated around a little bit just because I felt like when you're single and you're unmarried, you have so many months, so many more options. Like it just is this , it was this idea in my head that not being married, broaden your horizon and allow you to travel more, give you more flexibility. And the irony of it was you basically been a married couple and being with you but not married, and being able to do all those things actually turned that model for me upside down. It said, if you're with the right person, you can still do everything that you want to do. You can still have a very broad horizon. You can still have the life you want and do things you want to do. But I guess Gary and getting married now means you have life insurance and health insurance and you can file your taxes together. Uh, so in a sense it's like I , my belief on that has evolved over the last few years.

Speaker 1:

It's interesting that you're talking about how you looked at life and how opportunities were going to come your way and what you are going to be able to do. I've had the same experience even after marriage. I find that now I'm actually capable of doing a lot more than I was when I was on my own because I'm with someone who compliments me in my skillset. It's great seeing you too before you get married because I feel like I know what's coming and I find it quite funny because I know the second you get married

Speaker 2:

you're going to get hit with what I got hit with, which was, okay, let's see some grandchildren.

Speaker 3:

Oh yeah. It's already happening. Wow, that's a nice ,

Speaker 2:

you're on next level. It is my , I don't know if my parents will ever listen to this podcast, but , uh , one day they'll look back and laugh. So my parents were at the , but I'm crystal meth and I have two younger brothers. Um, the youngest brother , uh , is now in college, so they, so he left a couple years ago and so my parents pulled the opposite empty nest removed . So normally, you know, the last kid moved out of house and you downsize and move closer to the city or in the , my parents completely , uh , did the opposite and moved out of the city further out of the city and do a bigger house and gave us the tour for the first time, both of us, crystal and I, and he takes us upstairs and he goes, look, look, there's another floor up here. Look a little, a hidden Knuck . And he says, you know, we call it, and I said, no. And he said , it's the grandkids nut . We both looked at each other like, right. They're already twice outlined the entire house around grandkids. It's great. It's awesome. Um , and you know, we, we totally get it and we love it, but it's very, it's very funny how it happens. It happens quickly. That's intense. Oh yeah. I would freak out.

Speaker 3:

Yeah. I mean, I , I'm Chinese American and so I , I grew up with an understanding that there are just certain obligations and certain cultural expectations and having children is definitely one of them. Like it's actually seen as very selfish if you do not have children. It's like you've got grandparents saying have or parents who are saying, how dare you Rob me of my title of grandparent ? And then the first one inside my head says, well, you should've had more kids then because then you'd have more people to have his work. You'd have more, more splits down the line.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. Well it goes back to what you said before and I think family matters. Yeah. We just had to get there.

Speaker 3:

Yeah. The thing about marriage I'm noticing it is there really are no rules. And if we were truly left to our own devices, I think that we would probably do a really small wedding. I mean, I would just do an elopement frankly, and then put that money towards a house or put that money towards something super practical. Um, but you've helped me realize that having weddings and doing these traditions and going through all of this stuff is actually quite fun. And it's in a sense , it's like a Rite of passage and we, our , our , our marriage is going to bring joy to a lot of other people, mostly our parents by families. So we can't Rob them with that.

Speaker 2:

Well, there's another piece I think too, which is we have a lot of very close friends from different sides of our lives. Like you have fattened friends. I attract friends, we have a lot of mutual Stanford friends now. We have more friends outside of that. Um , we obviously still have a lot of families here and , um, you know, our , our wedding will be moderate size that people were having to basically we're having had , uh , East coast and West coast. Um , so yeah, 200 and 300. Um, and in both cases, to me, I think the biggest piece is that it's one of the only times in your life where you have an excuse to get everyone in one place. Um, that's not a funeral. I said one of the , I didn't say yes to qualify a funeral, cow's graduation. What is the wedding graduation, you know, but it's a, it's a happy occasion to get everyone in one place. Cause you, I mean, it's really funny. I think I , um , we will spend all the time, I know my parents do this too, where you spend time with someone and you're always telling for tying in stories from someone else in your life. And it's kind of like everyone gets to put those pieces together with you. So , um , I don't know. I think, I think that's where [inaudible]

Speaker 3:

it's like one giant Venn diagram. Yeah . In real, in one place. In one place. Yeah . I get , Oh , literature teacher . There's the Valley teacher. Your neighbor mother-in-law.

Speaker 2:

Oh, so you got to look at it. Yep . All these happening everywhere. Yeah. Mind blown all over the place. So you'd King married in October. [inaudible] how the preparations are going.

Speaker 3:

They're going really well. Ramsey's parents are so on top of just, they're super responsive to emails there . They have really good taste. Um, the East coast wedding is sort of something that they're kind of hosting primarily. And then my mother and my father are hosting the West coast Chinese banquet. So , um, it's going really well. It's, I actually have to send out invites for our West coast. Yeah . I mean that's just another one of the 14 to do lists .

Speaker 2:

Well, I get in trouble. It's really funny. It's a, I get a visceral reaction from every man in the room, whatever I say this. But I said last night I said, it's actually pretty easy. Um , I don't know if it's cause we started well in advance. Yeah. See you have that reaction to everyone goes, wow, I can't believe you said that. It's love years with me. I think we had, we have , so one key was wedding planner , so we don't have to worry about staying on on time. Sheila just has this, makes it, so that's a huge one, obviously in a very big luxury. So that makes it a lot easier. Um , although I still think necessary just because we're in San Francisco and it's happening in Florida. So having someone onsite is huge. Um, you know, remotely researching all different kinds of vendors is probably not a good idea to make that a lot harder.

Speaker 3:

If you think of it like project management, you just need to make decisions. If you're , if you're lengthening that funnel and you're evaluating 45 vendors when you need to decide on one, you're just making life harder on yourself. So I think like I'm very flexible. I feel like as long as brand is mom approves, it's not going to be bad . That's really my, they have really good so expert party plan at this point. They're so good. So that's why it's been easy because we don't look at 50 vendors. We literally look at maybe two are the most I've looked at for a single service is three, and it was the photographer. Um, everything else has just been like, Oh, you've worked with them yet ? Oh, you're working on? Yup . Oh yeah, that looks good. Yep . Okay. Check the box. Check. The box

Speaker 2:

planner has a short list. So it's been, that's been really, really huge. Um,

Speaker 3:

you just have to go with someone you trust.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. I think it turns the stress for us would be unknown unknowns. You know, you only plan a wedding once and if you screw up then it cascades of the day, especially timeline wise . So turning those in . No , none . None . But just having her put it in front of us and make decisions makes it easy. So for example, one piece of stress for crystal, I think recently it was your wedding dress because that wasn't something she you with or anyone else get up and help you with. You had to do it all the way. Um, and so you just fricking owned it and took two weeks.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I mean that , that's, that's fun. But it's an inverse. The curve. Like there's a sweet spot of a number of what he does and they're like, Oh, this is fun. I think , I think I know what I want. But once you go over that number, you were just digging yourself into a hole. Do I want nice old or not satin? Oh, do I want sleeves? Oh man, I like this . Vanessa Phonto . Oh, but the one that Berta is just all but the second like, no, don't do that. You're going to make like part of yourself. Don't do that. Yeah .

Speaker 2:

Have you started to think about what happens after the wedding? Will there be any change? It's a very good question. That's a very good question. I think a nice way, a nice way to tie us all back. Circle all that can be very VA . So like you said, I'm, I'm running business. Um , Chris is also in the business and both of them are in stages where, you know , we have small teams and um, they're both going very well, but they're also, you know, just starting to take off. And so I kind of, I don't, we've talked about this a little bit, but I see all of the conversion to once every ample . We're living in this apartment right now in San Francisco. Um , it's great. Uh, guess when our lease is up in October , um, with the wedding , uh, and kind of timeline wise, I can see both of us . You know, we have to , we have , we both have big things coming up around September, October, kind of fall timeframe for , uh, our businesses and things like that. So I kind of, you know , have a feeling that things are really converging and we're going to have to put our heads down and figure that out. Uh , but at the same time, like we talked about before, that's , that's just more normal. That's the new normal. Um, I don't think there's any massive plans to change anything because we get married. I think we're just , uh, we're keeping our heads down and, and making sure things go well

Speaker 3:

and now we'll do it. Okay . [inaudible] I also will admit I'm a lot less afraid to get married because a lot of my older friends have gotten married and they're still cool.

Speaker 1:

They're not nothing massive. You know, they don't have ones that are anything like that.

Speaker 3:

Yeah. Well it's just as a kid you're like, Oh, they're married. Like, Oh, they're so like stuffy. And you know, they're like so official. And then the kids come and they're just always stressed out, like, look , super fun. But now that I'm, I'm entering that stage, I know that the ones who aren't having fun, it's not because they're not because of marriage or the fault of having conceived children. He says something else. So I conflated marriage and motherhood with some of those other factors and they're separate. Yeah . People can be really happy independently from your relationship. Yeah. I guess that's the most important thing is this whole processes . It's like solidified our bonds so that no matter what happens life like we'll be able to, we'll handle it together. Yeah. So that's just our style. Yeah. I mean I'm just, I just know I am marrying you. I'm marrying the you that life happens to . So obviously I, I , I mean change is inevitable, right? Well, I'm going to get older, everything's going to start sagging and a couple of decades you're not going to be able to run a four minute mile. Do you want me to run a five minute mile on a few years? Right. Like change is inevitable, but I think where marriage is just a really nice safety net is first of all, I think admitting that vulnerability is like something I would not have done a couple of years ago . But having that safety net is just, it's nice because it goes both ways. You know , something happens to you. I'm there for you and I what? And it happens to me. I know you have my back , right?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, totally. You two are in the right place. It's just so interesting to watch and I know maybe we can do this again like after you get married and see how it went and yeah, totally. I'm happy. Yeah, we'll be happy. I bought it and go, everything has changed. We were totally,

Speaker 3:

something is going to go wrong, but they had a wedding. I just know it. Someone's gonna forget their shoes. Some vendor's gonna drop the ball. It's someone's gonna hope this doesn't happen, but someone might get fed something that they can't eat, cause of allergies. It's just going to happen. There are too many factors there for all of them. To go off without a hitch is too much and we'd never rehearsed it. Weddings aren't when you rehearsed , so I think I just mentally okay with whatever's going to

Speaker 1:

happen as long as no one dies. That is definitely the right place to be. Right . Yeah. That's definitely the right place where if you can, if you can come to peace with that now, then you'll be great because things will go wrong. [inaudible] bingo. You're doing wedding , wedding mistake bingo. Like write down all the things that could possibly happen and then we'll just start crossing them off yesterday. Yeah. Catastrophe Banga catastrophe. Bingo. Oh , it should be like, like snapping bingo because it's probably not going to be , but it might be one passerby . There'll be a couple of foods .

Speaker 2:

Yeah, no, it'll be good I think. Yeah. I think for me, as long as we get everyone in one place, I know Europe , we may differ on this a little bit, but you know, even if stuff goes wrong and ceremony or people or whatever, I think we're getting people in one place. It's going to be beautiful. It's a very special place for us. Amelia Island, Florida. It's a little barrier Island, Northeast Jacksonville. Um, my mom's been going there since she was a kid and my grandparents , uh, both sides , my grandparents live there. Um, since we've been together so long, we've been going there for real long time and it's special place and beautiful. So it's hard.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. Even that'd to be there. And obviously everything that you're doing, you know , in that sort of physical realm is just the backdrop for the memories that you're going to create that day is symbolizing something much, much greater than the day. And with that, we'll bring this episode to an end. I'd like to think crystal and Ramsey for taking the time to talk to me, and I wish them all the very best. If their wedding in October, if you enjoy the podcast and please, please, please, please share it with your friends and family.